Getting personal

Well, I had some great feedback regarding my last post. More than a few people liked the fact that I wasn't just waxing philosophical for once. I was frustrated about a particular incident and let it rip on my blog. That was illuminating. I hope this is a turn in the evolution of this blog. Henceforth I shall be less Professor and more Gilligan....

On that note Skipper... How difficult is it to keep your word? If you say you're going to be somewhere at a specific time, be there. If you say you'll do somethign, do it. And if something comes up, that's ok. Just keep people in the loop! Let them know you'll be late.

Hey, I like this... very therapuetic... Of course, I won't let this blog become just a venue for ranting, but occasionally, it's nice to vent... all together now... grab a pillow and punch it really hard!!! nice...

Respect other people's heart

Don't be frivolous with anyone's heart. Just don't do it. There is not one single legitimate reason on Earth. It doesn't matter if you've known the person for an hour or a lifetime. It doesn't matter if the person doesn't even respect him or her self. It doesn't matter if they've been mean to you. It doesn't matter if someone else was mean to you in the past. It doesn't matter if you're young, old, sensitive, serious, a nerd, a jock, an artist, male, female, whatever... Jesus himself could have molested you and you still wouldn't have the right to do it to someone else. Damn it everybody... play nice!

Phew... thanks :-) I needed that...

Pedagogy of the Oppressed

Years ago I read a book that transformed my life. It's called "Pedagogy of the Oppressed". While it was written in the 60s and, as a result, is filled with the vocabulary of those tumultous times, what Paulo Friere, the author, teaches is even more relevant today than ever.

One of the points that's really stuck with me is that you can't use the oppressor's methodology to free the oppressed. I've translated that lesson to areas of my daily life, not just conceptual talks about revolution or whole scale social change. In a very personal way, I remind myself I can't dominate others to avoid being dominated. I have to create a relationship in which domination is not available to either person. To do that, a new paradigm must replace it. That paradigm can be anything, the possibility of love, acceptance, joy, peacefulness, communion, etc.

And when we enter relationships with a principled foundation, we avoid situational ethics and behavior. In other words, it's much easier to keep your cool, stay focused on problems, and committed to solutions, when you've already decided aggression, attack, defensiveness and positioning are not weapons you're willing to employ or tolerate. There is a deep peacefulness that comes from choosing who you want to be and being that person despite who stands in front of you. You don't have to force your identity on them. You can just be, and your identity will speak for itself.

Simple solutions for complex problems

I really appreciate getting comments on my blogs, particulalry critical ones, since they expose thoughts I had not considered, and thus push my thinking forward. So thank you to everyone who has taken the time to comment...

That said, I'd like to reply to the comment about the simplicity of my advice. I agree. Some problems are certainly more complex than others. Sometimes the stakes are higher. Sometimes there is a long history involving deeply rooted relationships. There may be cultural or generational challenges. In the case of social causes, there may even be historical or institutional obstacles. Solutions, of course, need to fit the problem both in size and scope. And they take time to implement before we see real results.

But there are two phases to problem solving: Thought and Action. What I've been discussing so far has concerned phase one, Thought. My advice, on this blog, and in the "real world" to friends, always centers around training our minds to think clearly. I encourage people to disconnect their expectations, their hopes, their resentments, their interpretations, their stories and their past, as well as any other such construct, from their state of mind. In the end, all solutions begin in the mind, and that self-critical voice in our head limits what we think are possible options. Quieting that voice suddenly unveils a whole host of new possibilities, and our problems don't seem so ominous, so unsurmountable.

Complex problems often require complex solutions, that much is true. What I would encourage you to consider, however, is that not all problems are as complex as we think. We build things up, we make mountains out of pebbles, we forget that a small change in our attitude can destroy some huge issue that had completely devastated us. We have as much power in our mind as David had in his slingshot...